Struggling...

Having finished my exams last month, I had planned to spend a large amount of my time with God, you know, to try and build a stronger relationship with him before I left for university. I planned to do this through in-depth studying, more time speaking in tongues,  listening to messages, reading books and so on and so forth. I had the time so why not? Also, with all the worrying stories I'd heard about university, I realised how central I would need to God to be in my life, in order to keep me from compromising my beliefs for the things of the world.

So far, my plan to dig deeper into God has been a big struggle! Early hours of yesterday morning, I sent a message to my mentor saying "I'm struggling". I explained how I would set time apart for God but never actually did much when it came to it. For example, I had planned that in the 1 hour it takes me to walk to work and back home, I would speak in tongues. I make a good start, but my mind wanders and drifts off so I end up not doing it anymore. At home, when I try to read a Christian book, I end up falling asleep so I tried going to the library to read and it's the same result- I fall asleep. However, I realise that when I pick up a secular book to read, my attentiveness is intact and I'm able to read it for quite a long time without falling asleep or drifting off. Hmmmmm.... Whilst watching the dishes yesterday, I attempted to listen to a message on YouTube and again, I couldn't even concentrate on the message. I remember 1 or 2 things from the message but that could be due to the fact that I had heard it before. At times, I would go to bed early in order to spend some time with God and lately, it hasn't been working out (unsurprisingly, I get bored or fall asleep even when I've slept in the afternoon and should therefore not be tired!) so instead of sleeping, I end up watching a movie or catching up on a TV series I've missed and guess what?! My ability to stay awake is no problem whatsoever, whereas anything about God was a battle! 

The text had to go out to my mentor. I needed help because this couldn't carry on anymore. My spiritual life was dry; I just wanted to be reconnected with God and this was affecting other areas of my life.  Lol, it even affected this blog as I had no inspiration and help from God on what to write. Anyway, it's over. I say it over. (*Nigerian accent*). Paraphrasing what my mentor said, he said I was going through a spiritual warfare and basically had to get my mind refocused. I needed to stir up the gifts inside me (in reference to 2 Timothy 1:6). For example, since I was struggling to speak in tongues, I needed to listen to messages about speaking in tongues or read books about it. Doing this would motivate me and stir up something inside me to speak in tongues. I'm going to read 'The Walk of the Spirit- The Walk of Power. The Vital Role of Praying in Tongues' by Dave Roberson. I've read parts of this book in the past and it did stir me up to speak in tongues,  so I'm hoping for the same results. If you want to read this book, here's the link for the PDF format: http://www.daveroberson.org/Media/7/WOSWOP%20Portrait%2010.pdf 

(I will be starting a book and fashion page on this blog). 

Anyway, I'll let you know how this whole getting back into God process goes. Bye :)